What constitutes a “good kisser?” Whether it’s full lips, the right amount of tongue, skyrocketing levels of attraction, or all three and more, kissing is completely subjective — which is tricky, since the success of a budding relationship can hinge on basic hookup skills. Believe it or not, scholars are hard at work studying the chemistry of kissing — and not the romantic brand of chemistry that makes us feel all lovey-dovey. The official term is philematology, which means, quite literally, the science of kissing. Experts (yes, pros who study kissing are actually a thing!) are less concerned with whether people are “bad” or “good” kissers than with the chain reactions that a single kiss can set off in the brain. “Romantic kissing doesn’t just make you feel warm and fuzzy. It’s ultimately a mechanism of mate assessment,” says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for Match.com. “You may not be consciously aware of it, but your body and brain are.”
As gross as it sounds, exchanging saliva is like sipping a chemical cocktail of hormones. Varying levels of these hormones can potentially function like a love drug, and the act of kissing can light up the pleasure center in your brain as soon as your lips meet. “The mouth is a gatekeeper to the body,” Dr. Fisher notes. “A great deal of information is collected by both the lips and the tongue.” Research shows that saliva contains trace amounts of testosterone, which could account for men’s tendency to be sloppier kissers — some believe that the transfer of testosterone via tangling tongues can be an unconscious prelude to sex. Kissing may also further fuel your romantic fire by boosting levels of oxytocin — known as the cuddle hormone — in long-term relationships as well as lowering cortisol levels to promote a sense of calm in your mind and body.
This could explain why you may have been drawn to someone until a first kiss mysteriously extinguished the attraction. “I like to call this the kiss of death,” Dr. Fisher says with a laugh. Blame bad technique — or perhaps mismatched saliva.
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